Things for Which to Look Forward . . .
When my dear friend was in the last long months of her pregnancy and preparing to be a stay-at-home mama, I started a list for her to remind her of all the fun ahead. It's a pretty funny list, and I remember it with particular fondness because it helped me focus on the lighter side when I was dog-paddling around in my postpartum whirlpool of craziness. (That actually sounds kind of fun, but sometimes the brochures lie.) :)
Things for which to look forward when you stay home with little ones!
1. "Casual" days: For example, today I have neither showered, nor changed my clothes (despite baby projectile-vomiting on me at 4 am), nor washed my face (despite mascara smear under eyes). However, I did brush my teeth and that makes me feel like a million bucks! Yay to not having to make an impression on ANYONE!
2. Washing dishes while your daughter plays with your hair and tells you how bootiful it is.
3. Conversations like this: Child: "How are you mama?" You: "Tired!" Child: "Awwww, you want to talk?"
4. In-depth conversations about how yellow your newborn’s poo is.ENJOY!!
5. Having your child use their new magnifying glass to “investigate” you while you are pumping.
6. Seeing yourself in your child:
Ava: “Where’s my water, mommy?”
Me: “Um, in your hand?”
Ava: (with genuine surprise) “Oh, there it is!”
8. Buying baby clothes that show your style! (might not be appropriate for all audiences.)
9. Taking a relaxing bath with your child. . .and the mama and baby floaty whales, the rescue hero from the McD’s happy meal, Dolly, a plastic sheep, and all the foamy letters of the alphabet.
10. Telling your child something like, "it’s time to clean up your toys and get ready for lunch," and getting this response: "Ooo, good idea mommy!”
11. Your child using your husband against you, or vice versa. Example: Say your child has a penchant for stealing little pieces of paper, of course including all of your bookmarks. This has been an ongoing battle for months because you never catch her in the act. One night you actually do, and you say (calmly and lovingly, of course), “LEAVE MY BOOKMARKS ALONE!” Your husband, being witness to this ongoing battle, chooses this moment to chuckle to himself. Child says, “Well, Daddy thinks it’s funny!”
12. Your baby telling you a big long story in coos and goos, and then jumping when he passes gas loudly at the end, looking around suspiciously with a “Who did that?!” expression.
13. Manipulation: Child: “Here mommy, I brought you a special coffee. It’s a special pink coffee!” Mommy: *slurp* “This is quite delicious, thank you so much!” Child: “Oh mommy, can I have some pink milk just like your special pink coffee?”
14. More fun conversations: Child: “Mama, where did my brother come from?” Mama: *GULP!* “Um. . .” Child: “Did he come from Costco?”
15. Pronunciation issues: Child: “Daddy, guess what? I had my spider to drink while I was in my cage today!” (spider= cider, cage=cave (table covered in blankets)).
16. Discipline: Father: “Oh, you aren’t listening at all, time for a spanking.” Father picks up child, who is screaming something. Father leans down to spank, then realizes child is yelling (preemptively), “I’m wounded! I’m wounded!”
18. Mommy magic! Example: Child: "Mommy, this toy is broken, can you fix it?" Mommy: "Hmm. . .(gives toy a good whack). . .There you go." Child: "Wow, how did you fix it?" Mommy: "Magic!"
19. Realizing your husband also has baby brain:
Scene: Mother and Father are chatting about romantic things like whose turn it is to change the baby's diaper.
Child: "Can I have some water?"
Father: "Ok." Father goes into the kitchen, opens cereal cupboard, stares inside, then closes. Opens dish cupboard, stares inside, then closes. Repeats this with the refrigerator.
Mother: "She wants some water."
Father gets water and gives to child, finally.